Former England captain Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the disease.
"There's a certain facing the future and not wanting to really process that at the present time," he commented.
"It's not that I don't understand where it's going. We grasp that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, speaking together with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "peaceful" as he focuses on his current welfare, his family and getting ready for when the disease deteriorates.
"Perhaps that's surprise or maybe I process things uniquely, and after I have the details, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the problem, a number of scans revealed neural pathways in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this condition identification of MND and we're appropriately quite emotional about it, but it's so strange because I sense that nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't feel ill. I don't sense sick
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have some muscle loss in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I'm still competent to performing anything and everything. And hopefully that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Condition Development
MND can progress quickly.
According to the charity MND Association, the illness takes the lives of a third of people within a twelve months and over half within 730 days of identification, as swallowing and respiration become more difficult.
Treatment can only slow deterioration.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," added an moved Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Personal Effect
Talking from the family home with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by emotion when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, commenting: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was rather devastating," Moody said.
"We were seated on the sofa in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced licking the drops off our faces, which was somewhat funny."
Moody stated the emphasis was staying in the now.
"There is no treatment and that is why you have to be so strongly focused on just embracing and enjoying everything now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been truly blessed that the only real decision I made when I left playing was to allocate as much duration with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Player Connection
Elite athletes are unevenly influenced by MND, with research suggesting the prevalence of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the broader public.
It is believed that by limiting the oxygen accessible and producing damage to motor neurone cells, regular, intense exercise can initiate the illness in those inherently predisposed.
Athletic Professional Life
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in recognition of his fearless, relentless style to the game.
He played through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a practice scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a training equipment and began participating in tackles.
After appearing as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the back of the set piece in the decisive passage of play, setting a base for half-back Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the victory-securing field goal.
Support Network
Moody has previously told Johnson, who captained England to that title, and a few other ex- team-mates about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"We'll have a time when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the present, just having that sort of care and recognition that people are present is the crucial thing," he commented.
"This game is such a wonderful community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've appreciated all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to call your love your profession, it's one of the most important blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so extended a time with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I am aware they will desire to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
